What You Should Know When Selling to the Opposite Gender, by Patricia Ball, CSP, CPAE

You have probably heard it said that women and men "don`t speak the same language." There is a growing awareness of these differences by both sexes, and the gender gap is being bridged increasingly every day. However, there are still enough areas in which each gender thinks and believes differently from the other that sometimes it seems as if they come from different planets.

A lack of awareness of these differences leads to an inability to communicate with members of the opposite sex. Unless both men and women in the sales profession educate themselves about these differences and their consequences, they will suffer lost sales unnecessarily.

There have been major changes in lifestyle of both men and women over the years. One of the biggest changes is an increase in women buyers. Today women have more purchasing power and buy more big-ticket items that were formerly bought by men. Women hold more decision-making roles in business than ever before, and that trend is going to continue. By the year 2000, women will approach 50% of the American work force, making them a formidable buying power. Traditional sales training works on outdated assumptions and behaviors and is often biased toward men. This gender gap can be closed by adopting this four-step process toward awareness. Step 1. Admit That Gender Differences Exist Women want to be treated fairly but not necessarily like "one of the guys." Women appreciate men who work to get on their wavelength, respect and understand them. There is a fine line here. Avoid gender stereotyping and yet be aware that patterns and styles across male/female cultures do exist. This requires sophisticated skills involving an awareness of general cultural patterns and examining each buyer more closely for his or her individual personality style. Step 2. Examine Yourself for Areas of Stereotypical Thinking It`s easy to fall back on outdated generalities which don`t necessarily apply. Example: Assuming that a female buyer is going to be weak or unable to make a firm decision or that a male buyer is going to be intimidating. Step 3. Explore Differences and Their Origins

Let`s look at a number of areas of differing communication styles. 1. Listening Behavior. Studies show that women listen better than men. They respond more by smiling, giving verbal feedback, nodding their heads affirmatively. Salesmen often presume that women are agreeing with them when in fact they are not. When men nod, it usually means agreement. Advice: Watch the woman buyer`s nonverbals but don`t assume that head nodding and smiling indicates agreement. 2. Directness of Speech. Traditionally, men use the speech of business better. They speak with more directness and authority and use fewer qualifiers. Advice: Women selling to male buyers need to work to eliminate speech patterns that rob their speech of power. 3. Interrupting Behavior. Studies show that men interrupt more frequently than women. The result is that women have greater difficulty presenting their ideas fully. Advice: Be aware of interrupting behavior. Learn to hear ALL that the buyer has to say, then ask questions, a wonderful listening device. Learning to be silent at the appropriate time is a great sales tool when dealing with any buyer, man or woman. It allows you to learn more about the buyer`s needs. 4. Levels of Assertiveness. As little girls, women were often encouraged to use powerless nonverbals; i.e., more closed body language, less use of space, more compliant skills in general. Since increasing the use of space is directly related to status, it is often assumed by men, incorrectly, that women are satisfied with lower status positions. In the past, many young girls were taught not to fight or engage in other "unladylike" behaviors. By the time they are adults, many women have developed more complaint skills. Advice: For men, be careful of aggressiveness when selling to women. Don`t assume you have an easy sale if the woman buyer seemingly displays less assertive skills. Learn to be a master observer. For women, learn to walk that fine line — that of being assertive without being overly aggressive and yet retaining femininity. 5. Language/Verbal Communication Differences. Both men and women have words which they use more frequently than the other sex. For example, men generally use more sports terminology than women, like "He`s batting about 333 on his decision," or "Someone has to run interference." Women use more filler words as well as "women-only" words. "It`s really wonderful to see how nice everyone looks." "What a darling outfit!" Advice: Avoid metaphors and words that might be less familiar to buyers.

Step 4. Learn to be Flexible Avoid old attitudes that may be getting in your way. Change your approach if a different one seems to be indicated. Whether man or woman, buyers like salespeople who anticipate their needs and show an interest in them as important people. They like being treated with respect and recognition.

For the most part, men and women do NOT speak the same language. However, both sexes have strengths of their own. We need to continually strive for understanding and respect of these differences. As the French are prone to say, Vive la Difference!"