Get Sabotage Savvy, by Judy Pearson

A common response is to ignore or pretend it is isn`t happening, especially if you believe it doesn`t affect you directly. Pay attention, keep your eyes open and listen carefully to what is being said or done around you. Take note of when it occurs. One of the first steps to getting sabotage savvy is to become aware of the problem and plan to solve it. Face the saboteur. People are taught to be "nice," don`t rock the boat, avoid confrontation. After the fact, often times, you wish you could have stood up and confronted the person. Dr. Andrew Salter`s definition of an assertive- proactive person is, "They speak directly, responding outwardly to their environment. When confronted with a problem, they take immediate constructive action. They like people, but do not care what they may think of them." (I call this an unconquerable spirit.) Here are some tips to help you develop an unconquerable spirit and become sabotage savvy:

1. Pick the right time. Consider schedules, productivity and priorities. Ask them when they will be available to talk. Don`t approach the other person as he or she is leaving work or after you`ve had a terrible day.

2. Meet in a neutral setting. Because people tend to be on their best behavior, meet in a public place. Try to talk in a quiet place where you can both be comfortable and undisturbed for as long as the discussion takes.

3. Organize your thoughts. Prepare an agenda of what you want to cover. The notes will help you stay on track and focused. Think about what you are going to say ahead of time.

4. Stand your ground. State clearly what the problem is and how it effects you. Talk direct. Ask your question, "Why did you take credit for my work at the managers meeting?" Sit there quietly and force them to answer. Direct conversation is much more effective than sending a letter, banging the wall, throwing a rock or complaining to everyone else.

5. Give information. Don`t judge or interpret the other person`s behavior. Instead, give information about your own situation and feelings and how the person`s behavior effects you.

6. Don`t blame or name call. Antagonizing the other person only brings the response to fight or flight. It also makes it hard for them to hear you.

7. State what you want. Have in mind the results you are looking for and state it clearly. For instance, " I want you to acknowledge all the hard work I`ve put in." Start your sentence with "I", "I feel" not "You," "You did." This is your statement of responsibility, and control of the conversation.

8. Zip your lip. "When your mouth is shut your ears work better." Listen. Give the other person a chance to tell his or her side of the conflict completely. Show that you are listening. Make eye contact, use body language that says "I am listening."

9.Talk it all through. Get the issue and feelings out into the open. Don`t leave out the part that seems too difficult to discuss. Work out a joint solution. Two or more people cooperating are much more effective than one person telling another to change.

10. Follow through. Once you have an agreement check in witth each other, if appropriate, to make sure the agreement is working.

Stop sabotage gossip.
Two rules for keeping gossip out of the workplace:
1. Don`t tell anyone anything you wouldn`t want repeated.
2. Don`t play along. Before you repeat something you hear about a coworker, stop and think "This might not be true." Gossip is a classic form of sabotage.

Determine levels of trust.
Not everyone is your friend. Men feel that trust must be earned while women tend to trust too easily. Learn the difference between friendliness and friendship. Trust your instincts or intuition. Don`t worry about everyone accepting you.

Pick up your marbles.
Recently, I heard this good advice, "Stop rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic." or as Bette Davis said once, "Pick up you marbles and move to a better game." If a situation is truly toxic, the only solution is to get out. You will need to be confident enough to plan your move, recognize and weigh the risks, and the wear and tear on the body and mind. When we are assertive in our lives we are teaching future generations how to stand up to bullies. Learn that competition is okay, there is no need to resort to sneaky, backhanded tactics or to put up with such behavior from others.